Highlights of the news
Jon McNaughton unveiled his latest painting: The Secret Service.
ITEM 1: Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere kids are laughing, and somewhere men drink wine;
But there is no DeJoy in DC—the Postmaster General has resigned.
It was that kind of week.
ITEM 2: Tulsi Gabbard told Congress, “U.S. Border Patrol apprehensions along the southwest border in January 2025 dropped 85% from the same period in 2024.”
Oh no, if this keeps up, there will be no need for a border patrol.
Please try to sneak in because Obi Juan Valdez, you’re my only hope.
ITEM 3: Charles Martin said, “I’d never even considered an EV before lefties started setting fire to them.”
Genius marketing. After selling all the battery-operated cars he could to lefties, Musk is getting MAGA to buy.
ITEM 4: The Jeff Bezos Post complained, “Law firms refuse to represent Trump opponents in the wake of his attacks.
“The result is an extraordinary threat to constitutional rights of due process and legal representation and a far weaker effort to challenge Trump’s actions in court than during his first term.”
Here’s a page of stories about lawyers refusing to represent Trump. Lawyers can turn you down. Imagine that.
ITEM 5: Democrats say oh sure he’s killing terrorists and deporting thugs, but what about egg prices, huh? What about them?
Derrick Evans tweeted with video, “Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins details the Trump administration's efforts to combat the avian bird flu & repopulate the chicken supply, which has resulted in a near 60% decrease in the wholesale price of eggs.”
ITEM 6: Murdoch’s New York Post said, “NIH cuts off $620,000 in funding to prevent pregnancy in transgender boys.”
Oh no. DOGE is going to force boys to get pregnant, but look at all the money they will save on tampons for nine months.
ITEM 7: The Hill reported, “The Trump administration asked the Supreme Court on Friday to allow it to invoke the Alien Enemies Act to carry out swift deportations.”
We shall see if John Roberts believes elections have consequences when a white man is president.
ITEM 8: Dr. Eli David tweeted, “Just one day after Jackson Hinkle arrived in Yemen, the head of Yemeni Houthis was eliminated.”
Yemen is a terrorist Roach Motel. Houthis go in but they don’t come out.
ITEM 9: WSJ reported, “When Israel announced that it had killed Hamas’s de facto prime minister, Ismail Barhoum, it was a surprise to many in Gaza, who didn’t even realize he had been given the job. It was only five days earlier that an Israeli airstrike had killed his predecessor.”
Fireflies have longer life expectancies than Hamas PMs.
ITEM 10: Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett, D-Ghetto, called Texas Governor Abbott ‘Governor Hot Wheels.’ ”
Her supporters said you have to put her words in context. She was mocking a wheelchair-bound man, sure, but he’s a Republican.
Her remarks made Meghan Markle happy, as she no longer is the most hated women in America.
ITEM 11: AP said, “Trump signs order seeking to overhaul U.S. elections, including requiring proof of citizenship.”
Proof can be a passport, a driver’s license or a completely filled NCAA bracket.
ITEM 12: CBS said, “5 high-level CDC officials leaving in latest turmoil for public health agency in Trump administration.”
CDC, isn’t this the same agency that warned doctors not to prescribe ivermectin to treat covid?
ITEM 13: Sawyer Merritt tweeted, “The Financial Times has issued an apology after suggesting that Tesla had shady accounting with $1.4 billion missing.
“In reality, the Financial Times just didn’t understand the accounting, and an expert reached out to them to explain it to them.”
Math class is tough. Perhaps the magazine should change its name to Financial Guessing.
ITEM 14: CNN said, “Supreme Court upholds rules requiring background checks for ‘ghost guns.’ ”
Sounds like a ghost decision written by RBG.
OBITUARY OF THE WEEK: “He refused all painkillers to the end and left this world with dignity and clarity, holding the hands of his children with his dogs at his feet.
“He was born February 10, 1941 at Massachusetts General Hospital to a 15-year-old Swedish-speaking girl and placed in the Home for Little Wanderers in Boston, where he developed rickets from malnutrition. His legs were bent for the rest of his life. After years in foster homes, he was placed with the Carlson family in Norwood, Mass. His adoptive father, a tannery manager, died when he was 12 and he stopped attending school regularly. At 17, he was jailed for car theft, thrown out of high school for the second time, and enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps.
“In 1962, in search of adventure, he drove to California. He spent a year as a merchant seaman on the SS Washington Bear, transporting cargo to ports in the Orient, and then became a reporter. Over the next decade, he was a copy boy at the LA Times, a wire service reporter for UPI and an investigative reporter and anchor for ABC News, covering the upheaval of the period. He knew virtually every compelling figure of the time, including Jim Jones, Patty Hearst, Eric Hoffer, Jerry Garcia, as well as Mafia leaders and members of the Manson Family. In 1965, he was badly injured reporting from the Watts riots in Los Angeles.
“By 1975, he was married with two small boys, when his wife departed for Europe and didn’t return. He threw himself into raising his boys, whom he often brought with him on reporting trips. At home, he educated them during three-hour dinners on topics that ranged from the French Revolution to Bolshevik Russia, PG Wodehouse, the history of the American Indian and, always, the eternal and unchanging nature of people. He was a free thinker and a compulsive book reader, including at red lights. He left a library of thousands of books, most dog-eared and filled with marginalia. His reading and life experiences convinced him that God is real. He had an outlaw spirit tempered by decency.
“In 1979, he married the love of his life. . .”
Pop quiz (the poll comes later): Who is his son?
ITEM 15: The Daily Mail reported, “Secret CIA files claim Ark of the Covenant has been found.”
Duh. It’s in a warehouse. We’ve all seen the movie.
ITEM 16: The New York Post reported, “Trump yanks Secret Service protection for ex-DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas.”
Suddenly, letting millions of illegal aliens including gang members no longer seems safe.
ITEM 17: Disney’s ABC tweeted, “Potential foreign aid cuts could lead to millions of HIV deaths and soaring rates of infections around the world, according to a new study published Wednesday.”
Disney could help. Instead of making a live-action version of Fantasia with Lizzo in the Dance of the Hours segment, how about spending a few hundred million bucks on HIV prevention? None dare call it AIDS anymore.
ITEM 18: Wildfires destroyed 13,000 homes in Pacific Palisades, LA.
Circling the News reported, “FEMA Receives 270,000 Applications from Purported Homeowners.”
The story said, “FEMA clarified that the 270,000 numbers refers to individuals and households, not just homeowners. That still amounts to 26 people in each household.”
So it wasn’t the fires that destroyed the homes but overcrowding.
ITEM 19: Murdoch’s New York Post said, “Yemen war plan leak stuns experts.”
Real experts were stunned that despite this Hegseth-must-resign-Trump-impeached-Teslas-destroyed incident, the military operation was a success. The media would rather cover the media than cover an actual news event.
ITEM 20: GB News tattle-taled on its rival, “BBC Radio 2 and other UK stations are playing a censored version of the Spice Girls' 1997 hit Spice Up Your Life with the word yellow removed from the lyrics.
The story said, “The censorship comes despite no apparent public calls for the change to the track.”
Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr now live in a plain old submarine.
ITEM 21: Eyal Yakoby tweeted with video, “Thousands of Palestinians in Gaza march through the streets, chanting ‘Free the Israeli hostages.’ After 18 months of war, Gazans are realizing that Oct. 7th was a bad idea. It’s a shame that the international community hasn’t realized.”
There will always be a home for Hamas leaders at the Ivy colleges. They won’t admit an Asian-American kid with a 1600 SAT and 4.5 GPA, but terrorists can get in for free.
POINT/COUNTERPOINT: Shana Alexander said Asian admissions are limited not because of racism, but because there are only so many cellists an orchestra needs.
Hmm. Donovan can save Mellow Yellow by changing the word to cello.
ITEM 22: The Telegraph reported, “Rolls-Royce is preparing to ramp up production in the US as it seeks to counter damage wrought by Donald Trump’s escalating trade war.”
I heard about this story and looked for it on Google. Nothing, not even in News. Went to Twitter, boom, there it is.
ITEM 23: Ward Clark reported, “Drill, Baby, Drill: Alaska Native Tribes Applaud Trump Admin's Moves to Open North Slope Oil Fields.”
I’ll use the oil to run my 12-cylinder Rolls Royce Dawn convertible when my wife lets me buy one. Sorry, Bentley.
ITEM 24: Axios reported on Thursday, “Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) is privately proposing articles of impeachment against Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, National Security Advisor Michael Waltz and CIA Director John Ratcliffe.”
On Friday, Atlantic admitted it lied about the nature of the conversation.
When a goon buys a lie that as dumb as a fly, she’s Somali.
Communists have been crying wolf for eight-plus years. I hope some day, Trump eats them.
ITEM 25: Speaking of commies, Peggy Noonan called the Signal nontroversy Trump’s Bay of Pigs. She said, “The effect will be to push tensions with Europe more toward estrangement.”
What is the downside?
ITEM 26: Fox reported, “Second South Carolina inmate chooses execution by firing squad.”
His two murder victims did not get a choice.
ITEM 27: Eric Daugherty tweeted, “Mississippi has just ended the state income tax.”
It turns out that you can spell Mississippi without IRS.
ITEM 28: ABC News tweeted, “The number of measles cases associated with an outbreak in western Texas has grown to 400, with 73 cases reported over the last three days, according to new data released Friday.”
Oh no! at this rate, every American will have measles in 375 years.
ITEM 29: Collin Rugg tweeted, “RFK Jr. tells West Virginia Gov. Patrick Morrisey that he needs to lose 30 pounds to his face, calls on Morrisey to do a public weigh-in every month.”
Bobby, he’s 150 pounds lighter than his predecessor, now-Senator Jim Justice. Good thing we don’t pay them by the pound.
ITEM 30: Fox reported, “HHS axes more than $300 million in gender, DEI-related health grants to California alone.”
But if Uncle Sam doesn’t, who is going to pay for a “Buddhism and HIV Stigma in Thailand: An Intervention Study”?
ITEM 31: The Bezos Post sobbed, “RFK Jr. pushes ban on soda from being purchased with food stamps.”
Pepsi and Coca-Cola hardest hit.
ITEM 32: Cowboy State Daily reported, “Man In Bear Suit Scares Off Black Bear.”
Here’s the man:
Item 24: “Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) is privately proposing articles of impeachment against Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, National Security Advisor Michael Waltz and CIA Director John Ratcliffe.”
Why hasn't Bondi or Tom Homan gone after Omar? It's documented she entered the country under false pretenses and is here and holding public office illegally.
ITEM 6: Murdoch’s New York Post said, “NIH cuts off $620,000 in funding to prevent pregnancy in transgender boys.”
The Democrats would stop at nothing to keep people from having babies.